is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
