new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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