i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
