she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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