I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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