my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
