I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
