True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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