It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize