i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
