He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
