just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize