Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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