she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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