i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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