I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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