Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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