i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
