I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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