Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I deserve this hangover.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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