her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
