I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
