AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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