i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
