last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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