booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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