im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
