New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
