youre lurking in front of me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
