I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
