He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
