My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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