his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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