I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
