my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She told me I should be a condom model.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize