If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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