This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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