Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
