real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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