I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
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So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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