I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she told me i tasted like america
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
