it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
