woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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