ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
