I wish life had little blips of pornography
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Two words: nipple clamps
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