You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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