were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
