Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
