I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
