1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
