i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
