i think i have herpe
just one?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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