last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
