Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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