No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
