Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
