Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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