his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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