I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
