what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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