I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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