this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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