Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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