So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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