i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
