carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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