You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
