just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
