Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
