Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
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Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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