youre lurking in front of me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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