What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
