I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
