umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
